a new world religion

October 19, Sunday:

How does one describe THE CHURCH correctly???  A quick preview: it’s a club that rents out a concert venue every Sunday from 12-4pm and throws a rager with strippers and music. Oh, and everyone dresses up in ridiculous outfits.  Try to wrap your head around that and then keep reading..

We got up at 9:30 am to eat breakfast and start the day drinking early.  We get to THE CHURCH around 12:15 pm to find a huge line has already formed.  People are dressed up as anything and everything.  There are pirates, guys in football uniforms, cheerleaders, lots of neon, and even a very daring guy in a Borat swimsuit.  We walk in and it’s a GIGANTIC theater-type space with a huge stage in front.  To the side is the bar where you buy your drinks three at a time and are given a big plastic bag to carry around with you. 

We each bought a bag of drinks and started to get into THE CHURCH mood.  They were already playing amazing music.  This isn’t club music or dance music, this is straight forward sing along lose your voice rock music.  Lots of oldies but goodies.  On either side of the stage are huge tv screens that zoom in on random people in the crowd and then display hilarious captions about the camera man’s victims.  I want to be the guy who makes fun of people through captions every Sunday.  

The “show” began and things got out of control at that point.  There is a comedian at first, but that was pretty pointless to us because the combination of a thick accent and yelling into a mic=confusion not amusement.  The ground by now is full of empty cans and plastic bags and people are getting rowdy-we even saw a guy chug a beer out a shoe.  I am in awe of everything.  Then a stripper came out and we were mesmerized by her for a while. After she was done doing her thing it basically turns into a massive dance party.  We pouted our way onto stage and danced like mad for the rest of the time. 

The weirdest part is leaving THE CHURCH and realizing it’s sunny outside and only 4:30 pm….the sight of a bunch of weirdly dressed drunk people leaving that place every afternoon must be a sight to behold to normal citizens passing by.

I want to spend every Sunday at THE CHURCH. But I don’t think my body can handle it.  That, and my sparkly dress lost a lot of sparkles last time.  I might need a new outfit.